I figure I will follow up my last post in true toddler fashion. Which means, what is written below may seem to contradict all that was stated a mere week ago. We’ve got some wide eyes over here at the Harrison house as we continue to take in and learn about life as a parent! I’ve often thought about my first writing after Lyle’s homecoming that would mention any sign of needing a breather as we get into the trenches of it all. It’s humorous and humbling that it came so soon. We are still sharing pictures of that sweet boy’s smile left and right as they are still ever present. Basically, last week was a week of no sleep, lots of tears, and lots of little Korean accented no-nos. We’ve been told to be encouraged by the fact that he is now comfortable enough to act his age. So we bottled that truth up with a bit of his laughter and hung on tight as we made it through the week.
The day we arrived home from Korea, I had this perfect card waiting for me from one of my dearest friends. A simple reminder she said for the days ahead. What an encouragement it has been!
I’ve gotten many texts asking “how is momma doing? We see that sweet Lyle smiling big but how are YOU?” And I’ve also had many encourage me prior to his homecoming that it is OK to say it is hard even though this has been your heart’s desire for years. But seriously, how do you write a post even mentioning such after having written pages upon pages of your deepest longing. I tell ya, my girls that I journey through this life with are gems. They are my safe place. If I didn’t sleep through the night and so much as mention that I had my first good cry, they don’t judge me and think I’m being ungrateful. And if 24 hours later, I say this is the greatest day of my life, they don’t muster it up to emotions or say I’m trying to cover anything up. I feel free with them as I share of our needs and trust they will pray us through the day and night. I’ve realized that in my own life-change with friends, work, ministry, and marriage, I can feel overwhelmed as my confidence in anything that once felt comfortable has been stripped. Another lesson in having my identity in Christ…a lesson I need to be taught over and over. And honestly, we still sit with such thankfulness that we are here as a family doing this thing. Grant and I learning Lyle, little guy learning us, and all of us learning a life different than what was known. Lyle is trying to figure out how this rodeo goes and we are trying to teach him such. We have asked the Lord to grant us wisdom in knowing how to parent him after having been through so much in his 2 years. Wisdom to know if his seeking control is stemming from his age or from his loss. And wisdom to know how to respond. And trust that grace continues to cover when I just flat screw this thing up.
We are just now beginning to give Lyle more and more of a glimpse into the fullness of our lives. Having him meet our friends and family, enjoying the thrill of Chic-fi-la, exploring the library, taking him swimming, etc. while still keeping things small. Timeframes of activities are short; number of people are few. We see that his full personality, of which we feel we’ve merely gotten a glimpse of, only shines in the safety of home with just us. It will be a joy to see it come out more with others. Right now our hope is that with each small field trip, each visit from family, and each playdate, he will gain confidence that, Lord willing, there will always be the net of home and his parents to fall back on. We continue to be amazed by his bravery in embracing his new life. On the days I get even remotely worn, I gain strength in thinking about my son who is setting such an example for me as I navigate my own life change taking care of a little toddler.
I want to remember week 2 for what it was and what it taught us. For I’m already finding week 3 to be different with far less fussiness, 2 nights in a row of 10 hours of sleep, and our first hearing of “dada” un-initiated by us. Recalling has helped us through this entire process. For oftentimes when looking back, it helps us in looking forward. In the end, gratefulness remains. And though chaos may often seem present, the truth that God makes all things beautiful in time is clearer than it has ever been.